The Ghost Love
by Tiarocks55555
Summary: Rose was arrested for killing the queen and doesn't want to die on their terms, she would rather die on her own. Dimitri claims he doesn't love her anymore but will the guardians who locked her up convince him otherwise, especially when he visits her cell
1. Lovely Ghosts

I stared at the plain white tiles on the wall of the tiny, uncomfortable cell. The one that had a yellow-tinged corner had 43 cracks running through it. The one next to it was newer and only had one. There were 126 tiles on that wall all together. I had been in here for four days and I had counted the tiles on the walls. I, Rose Hathaway had counted tiles to pass time. What was the world coming too? But I guess it was a whole lot better than listening to Guardian-taps-a-lot. The same guardian had been drumming his fingers on a desk, almost non-stop and it was driving me mad. Literally. I moved onto the floor tiles, studiously ignoring him. See? The world is ending, I just thought the word studiously.

A scraping noise alerted me to the arrival of my 'dinner'. I snorted and pushed it back to him just like every other time. Crusty bread, stale water and yellowing soup that may or may not be poisoned. The guardian sighed in frustration and left, stomping back up the stairs. I sat back down and started counting again, only stopping when a new sound interrupted. Crinkling. Rustling. A brown paper bag was shoved under the gap but I didn't dare touch it, suspiciously staring at the all too familiar cursive writing 'Roza', the same writing that haunted me after I came back from Russia. Dimitri. I picked it up, shocking both guardians and myself. I opened it and decided that I would die right there.

A chocolate glazed doughnut. A perfectly round doughnut with thick chocolate icing dripping off the sides and just calling my name. I pulled it out and sunk my teeth into it, a moan almost escaping my lips. Food was soooo good. The guards chuckled and the one that always tried to persuade me to eat shook his head, smiling, relief clear on his face. I finished it in two seconds flat and sat back on the concrete slab they dared to call a bed. How on earth did Dimitri manage. I sighed sadly. Dimitri, my one and only love. "Love fades, mine has." How could he? He idolises Lissa yet I am the one who came up with how to save him. I gave up everything for him and I am avoided like the plague. But that's fine. He can go off and pretend what we had never happened and I would do the same.

The earpiece crackled and the guards sat up straighter, listening intently, they gave me a smile and grunted an affirmative into the speaker. The one I came to know as Bob got up with a pen and paper. I wonder what his real name is...eee

"Ok, Rose, you're allowed to have a visitor a day. But, you have the right to choose who can come down, is there anyone you don't want to see?" He held the pen like he knew I wouldn't say no to anyone. But he was wrong, I didn't want any of my friends to see me, I didn't want anyone down here. I nodded and swallowed before I continued, knowing how crushed Lissa would be.

"I don't want Janine Hathaway, Alberta Petrov, Tasha Ozera, Princess Dragomir, Adrian Ishakov, Mia Rinaldi or Dimitri Belikov. Only Edward Castile and Christian Ozera can come down." I knew Christian would never come without Lissa and that Eddie was so mad at me right now it wouldn't matter, he would rather I was dead. The guardian nodded, hiding his surprise and I sat back down. I slipped into Lissa's head for the first time in days and looked around. Lissa was laying next to Christian, still feeling hopeless and like crying but, oh god… she and him had just had.. oh god.. she was naked. I pulled out of her head quickly and shook it, trying to clear it. I snorted in disgust, earning a weird look from Bob.

I leant back, thinking of all my friends. I had to protect them. Not only would it hurt them to see me like this, it would taint their reputations, ones that needed to be builded back up. Shouting pulled me out of my reverie and I focused on the noise. It was a very upset Lissa…

"What do you MEAN she doesn't want me down there? She is my BEST FRIEND!" It stopped for a while, where I assumed the guards got a word in and then she started again. This time it was indistinct, fading away until I knew she had left. I opened myself up to her mind and she was pacing in her room. Christian and Adrian were sitting on her bed, watching with worried eyes, Dimitri was leaning against the wall, glaring hard at the ground. 'If looks could kill…' came to mind but she kept on pacing. Betrayal and anger was bubbling up under the surface, the spirit darkness creeping in. Adrian was looking at us intently. I focused on the darkness consuming her and felt it trickling away into me. Adrian spoke suddenly.

"Rose is here." Everyone looked at him confused and he rolled his eyes as if their slowness caused him physical pain. "Rose is in Lissa's head. Her aura flickered and then got slightly darker, but all the spirit darkness just vanished, Rose is taking it for you and keeping watch." He smiled ruefully at Lissa, looking through her like he could see me. In some ways, I guess he could. Lissa's gaze turned to Dimitri, he was staring at us with a look of desperation, longing in his eyes. Probably because he wanted to protect her from me, I'm just that dangerous now...

_Rose, I can feel your here. I don't know how, but I can. Dimitri still loves you, I love you. We'll get you out of there soon. I promise._

Lissa was trying so hard... I reluctantly pulled out of her head, coming back to my not so attractive reality. The guards were still silent, Bob tapping away at the table. I sighed heavily and started counting the tiles on the ceiling, wondering if there was the same amount as the floor. I was literally being driven out of my mind. I curled up and tried going to sleep, eventually, it came to me. But tonight, Adrian didn't appear, his resigned acceptance of how I still loved Dimitri more than I could love him. It made me feel so bad, yet he didn't give up.

I was giving up, I could feel it. I had banished all notions of visitors after Lissa disguised herself as Christian to see me. Now only Abe and the guardians stuck down here could talk to me. Even then Abe was hardly here, he had been down twice in the past three months, he had given up on me too. I was dealing with the stress of being trapped, the darkness from Lissa and then her worry about me, Dimitri and everything else. I felt myself being sucked into her head and worry increased tenfold. Damn, that was interrupting counting the dust motes.

" I'm sorry I am intruding princess, we need your help" it was Bob, ahh, what was he doing? He was in her room, Adrian, Christian and Dimitri standing or sitting around her. She nodded, what could possibly be wrong now? "Rose hasn't been eating. Or moving for that matter. All she does is sit on the damn bed and count tiles, or the cracks in the tiles. The last thing she ate properly was the chocolate doughnut he sent down in week number one... also, she hasn't slept well, she screams, cries, a lot of the time she ends up on the floor. We believe that she is innocent and we want to help her, but we just don't know how." his speech was cut off short by Dimitri standing up suddenly and looking like he was about to explode, hey, Bob told Lissa about me, if he ever comes in my cell I will be guilty of murder. Dimitri started pacing until I saw the control he held so tightly on to slip away.

"That. Was. 3. months. Ago. The last thing she ate was THREEE MONTHS ago? This is all my fault! I shouldn't have stopped fighting when they came to take her, I shouldn't have kept pushing her away! My Roza... that cell... her spirit is too wild and strong to be caged! No Roza... my.. Roza..." his outburst had everyone speechless, he sank to his knees, hands clutching his hair. He turned tortured eyes back to Bob and seemed to be grasping for the right words. "What has she been saying? When she is sleeping, what does she say?" Lissa's curiousity picked up, she didn't know what frightened me, I always hid it, keeping strong for her. Now she had her chance.

"Well, usually it's something about 'fades, mine has', then how it's her fault, she is the reason he's dead. But when she really screams she mentions strigoi and that she did it, no one else." Bob looked uncomfortable and wouldn't look Dimitri in the eyes, even Lissa knew he was keeping something back. Dimitri looked like he was being burned alive, Lissa's maternal instinct for him flaring up in me as well. Dimitri stood, towering above him now, making even me shrink back slightly.

"What else does she say." Lissa was imagining me, looking weak and screaming, something she rarely ever saw, she didn't think it was possible. Dimitri was looking at dear old Bob, something flaring up in his eyes.

"She... mentions you. A lot...Look, I don't want to get her in trouble, all I know is that she calls for you, Dimitri, calls for you and screams when you never come." Bob's eyes sparked with protectiveness and Lissa felt my own anger with hers. She gasped and fell to the floor, Christian only just managing to catch her. I felt her thoughts rushing, all about me, I had breached the wall, she could sense me and my emotions.

"I.. can feel.. Rose.. I'm in her head..." She managed to gasp that out before I took all the darkness away and put up my walls, leaving her head. I was panting and I realiseed that I was in a cold sweat. Guardian Tailar was standing watch. I stretched out my cramped legs and stood, wobbling from dizzyness. I managed to stagger over to the bars and I tried to find my voice. Tailar looked at me with pity and hope in his eyes.

"Guardian Tailar, can I have a shower?" my voice sounded so croaky and quiet I'm surprised he even heard. He unlocked the door and pushed me down the hall, I was too weak to walk far let alone escape. The showers weren't half bad and I knew I was pretty gross. He handed me my own shampoo and conditioner, Abe had fought so I could have new clothes and toiletries. I stripped down, stepping under the hot water and sighing in relief. Once I felt clean again I dragged a brush through the tangled mess that was my hair and dressed. Guardian Tailar and Bob was there. I looked at Bob for a moment, considering.

"Bob... what's your real name?" He chuckled and lead me back to my cell, locking the door after me.

"My name is Daniel, Daniel Briarse." I nodded and returned to the concrete bed.


	2. Nightmares

It was 3 months, 1 week and 2 days since I had been locked up in the hell hole they call a cell. I stared at the ceiling, thinking of nothing and trying to block Lissa. She kept on trying to get into my mind to communicate with me now she knew I could talk back. I shut down, but she still felt my depression. Someone clearing their voice shook my concentration and I was instantly sucked into Lissa. Awww crap. Her suprise flickered through me and I saw what she was seeing through her eyes. Adrian was holding her hands, lending her strength and power so she could get through my defences, traitorous bastard... when I get out of here... Lissa laughed suddenly.

"Adrian, she thinks you're a traitorous bastard for helping me get into her mind." Adrian grinned, letting go of her hands and sitting back, allowing me to see Dimitri and Christian. Poor Sparky... he would have hated that. Guilt course through Lissa at that and I instantly felt bad, shit, she could read my thoughts now. No more fantasies about what I could really get up to when I got out... damn... her mind went blank in shock and then picked up on the joke. Dimitri stepped forwards and looked in her eyes, searching. Even through Lissa, my knees went weak and a breif image of the way they looked when he was finally mine flashed in my mind before I stomped it all back. Lissa. In. mind. Control your damn thoughts.

"What's she thinking now?" Damn Dimitri. If you weren't so fricking... gah. Lissa was still in shock, she didn't really know how far Dimitri and I actually went... oops.

"Dimitri? You and Rose... the cabin Tasha stayed in?" BLACKMAIL! Dimitri blushed! Hurt was quick in coming and I quickly pulled out of her mind and shut mine off, I didn't need that anymore. My new guardian was glaring at me from across the room. He was one of the ones that thought I did it. I suppose Bob needed to rest his tapping fingers sometimes. I stretched and felt my muscles unclenching, they must really hate me. I barely had enough strength to stand now, let alone train.

"What's up Skunkly? Did'ja miss me?" I called this dude skunkly cos he had the worst hair I had ever seen, it used to be black but he hadn't aged well, resulting in the frosted look. It was hilarious to say the least. He continued to glare, as you can probably tell, he didn't appreciate humour very much. I turned my back to him and stared at the wall now, not caring that in approximately 3 minutes they would bring down food and attempt to persuade me to eat it. In approximately 5 minutes they would go stomping back up the stairs carrying the same food they came down with or in Skunkly's case, wearing it. I suppose he hated me for throwing it at him as well as supposedly murdering the queen. Its a tough life. The wall glared at me too, the more I stared, the more I noticed. The fact that I was doomed to die in this tiny white cell, the love of my life was only trying to get me out of said cell because his recently discovered goddess was miserable without me to take away all the bad feelings directly.

"Hathaway, you have a visitor." Skunkly was at my door now. Too bad I thought, I don't want to see anyone. I kept my back facing him, hearing the extra footsteps approaching. They were too light and nimble for my AWOL Dads.

"Whoever it is, I don't wanna see them." My voice was pretty croaky. Damn it, I sounded like shit. I suppose the whole leggings and singlet look wasn't too flash either. I kept staring at the wall, waiting for them to leave. Which they didn't. I turned over to look who was so persistant and almost turned straight back over, Dimitri. Dimitri was standing at the the door with Skunkly. I just stared. I had put him on the list of people that weren't allowed to come down here, he shouldn't be here.

"I told you he wasn't allowed to visit me, or was that too difficult for even _you _ your skunklyness?" I turned back over let him fume in silence. The sound of chairs made me hiss in distaste. Noises were too loud! I covered my ears and turned to glare. That's when I noticed the shiny guardian badge on Dimitri's leather duster. Son of a... I sat up and glared for all I was worth at them both.

"That's right Hathaway, Dimitri will be your second guardian down here. Briarse will relieve him tomorrow night."

I growled in distaste and attempted to stand. I managed to stay up right and started pushing the bed into the furthest corner away from them. I managed after a huge struggle and collapsed back onto it, the shadows now covering me. You know, seeing as they didn't give me a window and I had already shattered the light fixture.

"Why doesn't she have a light?" Dimitri's warm voice made me ache but I stayed silent. He couldn't care less, he came down here to watch me suffer.

"She broke it and tried to use the shards from the bulb to kill herself." Skunkly said it like he wished I had succeeded. I stared at the vertical slash on my forearm. I didn't regret it. I wasn't going to be executed. It atleast gave me some form of privacy. I turned over to face them, hearing the footsteps that meant dinner was on it's way, you had to give them credit for being persistant. It was Bob! He glanced at Dimitri and Skunkly before setting the tray down and kneeling so they couldn't see it. He had brought three chocolate doughnuts, a cookie, bottled water and a thermos. I knew I wanted it, I wanted it so bad. I sat up, swinging my feet to the ground.

"C'mon Rose, look, it's not poisoned." He took a bit and drink from everything to prove his point. I stood up, swaying. I leant against the wall while I waited for the dizzyness to pass. I hadn't fully recovered from the bed moving. I sat down in front of Bob and took a doughnut cautiously. I watched them all while I sniffed it, then slowly brought it to my lips. It was gone in three bites. I inhaled the other two before starting on the cookie. Chocolate chip, still warm and melting. Lissa had made it. The thermos was next, filled with hot chocolate, I looked at Dimitri remembering the field experience. 'Doubling is the secret'. He had made the hot chocolate. I took the thermos and water from the tray and started to retreat, the worried look that Bob wore and the wary one that Skunkly wasn't hiding very well made em rethink it. Plastic could be torn and made sharp, metal thermos. Huh, I was still classified as dangerous.

"I'm not going to hurt myself again and I will give the thermos back later." They nodded and I stood fully, wincing. My hips and shoulders were bruised from the times I had hit the walls and floor after nightmares. I looked down, seeing the esposed skin was purple again, the surrounding area yellow. The bruises had been created there so consistantly that the veins were dark purple and easily visible. Huh, impressive. I lay back on the bed, hugging the warm thermos and drinking the water greedily. I watched them, Bob had already left and Dimitri was staring at where he supposed I was, Skunkly was reading again. I opened the hot chocolate and raised it to my lips, inhaling the amazing scent. That's it! Dimitri smelt of aftershave, hot chocolate and something sweet but more... masculine... hmmmm. I drank while I thought, feeling the warmth reaching my toes. I lay back down after rolling the empty thermos under the door, staring at the ceiling again.

"You were wrong comrade. There was 56 cracks in the mouldy tile, not 55." I turned my back to him and slipped into my nightmare infested sleep. I knew what was coming yet it always haunted me.

_Mason walked towards me, anger and resentment clear on his face._

"_Why didn't you save me Rose? Why didn't you love me?" His face contorted in rage and he ran at me, I was frozen, seeing him struggle to reach me, strigoi red eyes glinting from the darkness closing in on him. The scene changed and I was with him in Spokane again. His neck snapping, the light going from his eyes. _

"_Mason! No! I'm sorry, not again. I know it's my fault... I am sorry... no.." I sobbed into his chest, the room in pieces around me. I turned to see Dimitri striding towards me, leather duster flying back. Maybe he would stay, maybe he would help us._

"_Dimitri...? Dimitri!" he walked past me, pausing when I grabbed the hem of his jacket. His cold glare made me shrink back. Rejection coursed through me. _

"_What do you want Rose? To kill me too? Love fades Rose, mine has. Why can't you see that? You're like poison. You love Lissa? Her parents die, you love Mason, look whats happened to him. Your love is like poison." His words were like a knife, stabbing into me with every vicious glare. He turned and kept walking, towards Lissa who stood above everything else. _

"_Dimitri? Dimitri... No... come back! No! Damn it... DIMITRI! Please..." I continued sobbing onto Mason until cold hands grabbed me, pulling me away. I turned, a soundless scream escaping my lips. Strigoi, thousands of them. They clawed at me and tried to sink their fangs into me. I fought them, trying to run. The room span, Dimitri and Lissa stood side by side, watching me struggle._

"_Help me! Dimitri! Help!" Why wasn't he helping me, I felt the hands on my legs continuing to pull me, making me lose balance and crash onto the hard rocky ground. Pain shot up my arms and I cried out - _

Real pain shot through me and I cried out again. I had fallen off the bed again. I felt the tremors of my body and heard the broken sobs I knew I was making. I curled up and lay on my side, not bothering to stand or get back onto the bed. The absolute terror I felt from Lissa told me she had just experianced her first shared nightmare. I took the bad feelings away and continued to curl up tighter, trying to fight away the horror that filled me. I faintly heard throaty chuckles that I knew belonged to Skunkly.

"You'll remember to bring ear plugs next time won'tcha Belikov, trust me, it's more entertaining when she is on the floor, a lot more time to thrash around and scream until she hits something hard enough to wake her." he continued to chuckle and I dragged the rag down to cover me, shivering from the cold seeping up through the floor.


	3. Torment

Dimitri's POV:

It was torture. But it was necessary. If I wanted to become a guardian again I needed to start low and with the only option they gave me. I had to guard Rose. I couldn't face her, knowing how much I hurt her when I was strigoi, knowing how much I hurt her by pushing her away. I had to protect her, now more than ever. I wasn't good enough for her, I had treated her so badly, I had been a monster. No-one can love a monster. Rose deserved better than me, but now, with her in jail, it was even more unbearable. I shouldn't have lost control, I should have expected it when they told Lissa that Rose was refusing food. It was very Rose, she wasn't the type that would take being locked up well. Her restlessness and defience could only be satisfied in one way, rejecting all help and frustrating the living daylights out of every single person in sight. I remebered that much from when I held her captive, her feeble attempt at not eating. I knew she couldn't resist her favourites but it was rediculous, she would be so weak now that they could basically force feed her.

"Dimitri... you need to go and start your shift now. Can you take this note and food for them to give to Rose?" Lissa was timid, knowing I was pretty fragile right now. When she had saved me, I saw her magic, the pure happiness and joy it brought. I owed her my life, my sanity, but now, I didn't know what to think. That drunken moroi had told me that Rose had orchestrated everything, she had given up her chance of graduating for me by following the monster to Russia. She had almost lost her life. That was reason number two for us not being together. I endangered her every chance at succeeding. I nodded to Lissa and shrugged my jacket back on, heading for the door, it was time to face her again, see her for the first time in three months. See the face I adored, the face that terrified me.

"Guardian Briarse, i'm supposed to relieve you but I believe you will be bringing her food down?" I liked Briarse, he cared about her welfare and made sure that she wasn't hurt by others in the cell. He smiled at me, knowing that it would be a tough night.

"Yeah, I am. What do you want me to add to it?" He completely turned around. He really wanted to help. I walked with him and gave him the note from Lissa. He read it quickly and beckoned me to follow him, leading me towards a small kitchen. Once in, he gave me the note while he chucked out the food that was already on the tray. Hard looking bread, discoloured soup and very old water. No wonder she wouldn't eat that. I read the note too, curious as to what she would have requested.

_Dear Guardian Briarse,_

_I know you care about the welfare of Rose as I do and I know how to make her eat. I made her these cookies, her favourite and also, get some chocolate glazed doughnuts. She can't resist them. Fresh bottled water, sealed. Also, could you please get Guardian Belikov to make a thermos of hot chocolate. Please try and get that down to her and I can almost guarantee that she will finish it. Hope this helps._

_Princess Dragomir. _

Lissa was right. I started making the hot chocolate, remembering all the times that Mum made it for me when I was scared or hurt. She always told me that if I wanted to make a good hot chocolate, double everything. I smiled, the familiar process calming my thoughts. All to soon, it was time to go down and greet Guardian Grigori. I hated the white walls that I was held in, the bars. It brought back the terror of being brought back into control and then being alone, the ghosts of my past haunting me every waking moment. Only when Lissa came would they go away, only then would I feel at peace. The stairs echoed and I lightened my foot steps into a stealthy step, one that I used when on guardian duty.

I opened the last door and a grisly aging man stepped forward, giving me a calculating once over. He was obviosuly one of the ones that thought I would go strigoi again any second. I nodded my head and followed him as he lead me to the same cell I had been trapped in. Poor Rose...

"Hathaway, you have a visitor." His voice was gruff, making her flinch slightly. I stood next to him taking in the sight that I would have to watch for the next 27 hours. The bed was in the middle still, the hunched figure of Rose, her back to us in the middle. I knew how un-comfortable that bed was. Even from here, I could see that she had lost a lot of weight. Her dark hair was cascading down off the bed, gleaming faintly but limp and lifeless. It was like her body had given up on living.

"Whoever it is, I don't wanna see them." she was trying to hard to sound normal and brave but her voice held the broken, derelict tones of a lost soul, hollow and clipped. It was like inhaling ash, the shock of it making it hard to breathe. She obviously got impatient with the lack of leaving so starte to turn towards us. She was about to glare but then she saw it was me. Her face lost what ever little colour it had and her empty eyes sparked to life with anger. She looked terrible, face as white as snow, shadows under her eyes making them look sunken. She was the definition of hopelessness, my Roza, broken, staring out at me with strangers eyes.

"I told you he wasn't allowed to visit me, or was that too difficult for even _you _ your skunklyness?" The anger came with the ghost of her old sarcasm and snarky comments. I can see where the likeness to a skunk came from. Usually I would have sighed at her immature comments but now they were the only things that really assured me she was really Rose. She huffed and turned her back to us again, hissing uncomfortably when the chair legs scraping against the floor was too loud. I knew the feeling. After a while you grew used to the silence. She turned to glare again before it turned to disbelief and then horror, her eyes locating the guardian badge now proudly situated on my jacket.

"That's right Hathaway, Dimitri will be your second guardian down here. Briarse will relieve him tomorrow night." she glared at him more than me, venom and hatred clear in her gaze. She started to stand, using the wall as a support. I had to resist turning away or covering my eyes. She was so, so weak. Before she had been slim, curvy and well toned. Now that perfect balance of fat and muscles was gone. Her remaining muscle tone was impressive but frail, you could tell it wasn't strong enough to carry all her weight. She started pushing the bed to the shadowed wall, straining with everything she had. A process that took her more than 5 minutes. If I was inhaling ash before, I was breathing in flames now. She basically collapsed onto the bed, mostly obscured by shadows. When I was in there, the light worked.

"Why doesn't she have a light?" it was a basic thing to have. I saw her roll over and look at something but I couldn't quite see what. Grigori huffed slightly before answering.

"She broke it and tried to use the shards from the bulb to kill herself." my heart literally stopped. Not only was she starving herself, she had attempted to end her own life. What made matters worse was that this bastard next to me sounded like he wished she had succeeded in it. I felt anger bubbling to the surface but ignored it. Briarse entered the room, worridly hiding the food from Grigori. Rose looked up, recognition sparking in her eyes. She sat up, eyes glued to her favourite foods on the tray, Briarse kneeling with his back to us.

"C'mon Rose, look, it's not poisoned." He ate some of everything and drank the water and then the hot chocolate, Rose watching intently for a while afterwards, checking for signs of poisoning. She was clever, so clever. She stood up for the second time, so much weaker than before. She had to lean against the wall, closing her eyes. Her dizzy spell lasted a little while before she shakily sat down and started eating with gusto. She picked up the thermos and looked in it. Her eyes flashed to mine and I knew she was remembering back at the academy. Her eyes seemed to melt and become warm and like liquid chocolate before her expression went icy and the chocolate pools froze solid. She got up, taking the thermos and water with her. As she did, I saw the jagged healing scar on her forearm, starting at her wrist and ending just before her elbow. She really wanted to die. She caught our expressions and looked like she wanted to roll her eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt myself again and I will give the thermos back later." She turned and my breath caught in my throat yet again. Her hips were so bruised that the veins had collapsed. I felt like being sick. Rose couldn't have this effect over me, I wasn't good for her, she needed to get out of here and move on. She started drinking the hot chocolate and I felt the satsfaction of knowing I was helping her in some way. No matter how much I pushed her away, how vehemiantly I denied it, I still loved her more than life itself. The thermos came rolling out from under the bars and I heard her lay back.

"You were wrong comrade. There was 56 cracks in the mouldy tile, not 55." She had counted them all too, she was just like me, my perfect other half. Her breathing slowed and I knew she had fallen asleep. I was afraid of this, knowing that she had violent nightmares. It didn't take long. Soon, she was tossing, the water bottle hit the floor and made my eyes snap up to her. Her breathing was fast and noisy, whimpers escaping now and then. Grigori chuckled and my eyes flashed to him breifly. He was watching with amusement, I decided right then that I hated him. A yelp made me look at her again. She continued to toss and kick =, stopping suddenly. The flashlight showed me that she was crying.

"...Mase... NO!.. I'm..m.. sorry. No.. my fault..." she continued sobbing and crying, her voice panicked. I watched, too horrified to look away. "Dimitri,,," she murmered my name, making me pay even more attention. Her sobs grew harder. I felt like my whole world was being shattered. "Dimitri... Dimitri! NO! Come.. come.. back. PLEASE! Dimi... " she threw herself at the wall, turning again, the blanket winding around her legs and her fists clenching, knuckles whitening. I calmed as she stopped moving. Suddenly, a blood curdling scream of absolute terror shattered the silence and made me leap to my feet and swing into a defensive stance. It was Rose. She arched her hips up, her shoulders and feet still on the bed and continued to writh. She screamed and went into panic mode.

"Dimitri! Help!... DIMITRI... HELP ME!" she screamed the last bits, falling off the bed and howling in agony as she hit the ground, her body instantly dissolving into heart wrenching sobs. Tears came to my own eyes and couldn't help but think that this was my fault, I was putting her through this much pain. My thoughts turned murderous as Guardian Grigori chuckled happily. He was enjoying this.

"You'll remember to bring ear plugs next time won'tcha Belikov, trust me, it's more entertaining when she is on the floor, a lot more time to thrash around and scream until she hits something hard enough to wake her." My eyesight took on a red tinge and I felt the rage take hold. I held onto my seat to keep myself from pumeling him for ever even entertaining the idea of taking pleasure in Roza's pain. I stood up, towering over him, his chuckling stopping abruptly.

"Leave. I will watch her, but you better get out of my sight..." I let the threat hang and he left the room, grumbling about me ruining his fun. I sat back calming myself down before approaching the cell door. I leant against it, watching her tiny frame trembling. I hummed a song that Mum sung when the thunder sent me scrambling into her room in the middle of the night. The trembling slowed a little and she turned to face me, face ashen, tears trailing through the dirt and leaving streaks.

"Why do you bother Dimitri? You came down here to watch me suffer didn't you, why bother trying to make me feel better. I don't believe that love fades, I know ours can't but I do believe and I know that hope fades. Mine has." the true torment of that was, I believed her, I believed the hopeless, lost look she had in her eyes, the emptyness that resided in her expression, the sheer exhaustion that was contagious. She had given up hope and given up on living, just like she believed I had given up on her. I felt the true impact of my words, that I had a hand in this, I had crushed her spirit as much as she had saved mine. She had given up everything and chased me to Russia to save me from a life she knew I hated, she had bided her time through capture to make me happy before she freed me and then she had endangered her own life protecting me and getting the means to save my soul. Lissa may have held the stake but Rose was the one who was behind it, she was the reason I was there to be saved. I had indebted myself to the wrong person. But now, I owed it to her to stay away, because being with her would only hurt her more. I spoke in Russian instead, needing to say the words

"Because I love you and I can't live without you, you mean everything to me, that's why I can't be with you." she ignored me and my resolve shook a little. No, I couldn't hurt my Roza anymore.


	4. Wants and needs

Rose POV:

I stayed on the floor, watching Dimitri stare at me, he was finally accepting that I didn't care anymore. I gave up my life to protect people that wanted me dead and now, the man I love and saved from hell doesn't want anything to do with me. Lissa had basically replaced me with Christian and her kids. He muttered something in russian and I ignored him. I was used to being left out, it was time he had a taste of his own medicine. He sighed and sat back down, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. I frustrated someone, what's new? I struggled to my knees and hoisted myself back onto the bed, rolling over and gasping as I hit my hip on the other side. Holy crow it hurt! Dimitri stood up again and came back to the door, staring down at me. I didn't want his pity.

"What do you dream Roza? Please... what do you see?" I laughed without feeling humour. So he wanted to know what made the legendary Rose Hathaway scream in fear? I stood up again, feeling some of the strength returning, I inspected the bond and I was surprised to feel Lissa trying to send me strength. I shut the bond off and leant against the wall, watching him, watching quirked an eyebrow and I tried to imitate it, still failing miserably.

"Why do you want to know? So you can humiliate me like Skunkly? So you know what to say next time I piss you off? Quite frankly, I'm tired of all this. Everything that ever goes wrong is instantly blamed on me, even murdering the moroi Queen that I have sworn up and down since I was 4 to protect. _They. Come. First._ Don't worry Guardian Belikov. I'm not going to chase after you anymore, I won't try and make you remember what you already know, I give up. The ball is in your court." he looked at me with solemn eyes and thought I saw a glimmer of something like hope before it was instantly shut down. I continued glaring at him, feeling more alive than I had in months. It didn't matter, my body still ached for me to die in my sleep before they brought the axe down on my neck . I was surprised when he spoke, usually he just gives up after one of my more bitter outbursts.

"Rose. I know you see Mason, I know you see me. But what happens to make you so distraught. I have all night and I'm not giving up until I have answers. You could talk to me before, what's so different now." he had gone off the deep end. What's so different now? Does he want the short list or the long? So much was different now, everything had changed except for one little factor that meant nothing to anyone but me.

"Look, Dimitri. You can keep deluding yourself into thinking nothing has changed and that's fine with me. I know that everything has changed, only one thing remains the same as before and it doesn't even matter to anyone. My dreams are reality, cold, hard, truth. How I see it? It doesn't matter that I love you, it doesn't matter that I gave up my life to save you, no. it doesn't even matter that I wish that every single breath I take is my last. Why? Because you will always think of Lissa as a goddess and it was always be my fault that Mason died and that no matter how much I try, scream, plead and cry, you will never come back. Lissa may have saved your soul with her magic, but there's one thing she didn't save, something that is far more important, that can only be saved by one person." my eyes pricked with tears and my voice had steadily risen but dropped to a whisper at the last sentences. Get a grip Rose! You do not cry!

"And what's that, Rose?" His voice was strained and low, trying to hide emotions. What was the point down here? It sucked out any true feeling and left you with loss and pain. I hobbled to the bars so the light shone down on me, on us. It was like heaven had opened up on us both.

"Your heart. You may have your soul back but you're wrong. It's not that you can't love again, you just refuse to, it's the fact that you may have your soul back but your still heartless. If you really cared you would understand. I'm through, I'm done with fighting, I am not going to try anymore. End of story." I glared at him one last time before laying back on the bed and deciding then and there that no matter what food they brought me, no matter what they did, I wasn't going to move unless I had to. Like needing to pee for example. I focused on slowing my breathing, trying to convince it stop, maybe it would listen for once. I ignored him trying to talk to me, and when it was finally morning and Bob came down I ignored him too. Now that I had fully given up, my body gave up on healing itself, the bruises staying purple and just darkening with every new knock. My hair hung like a black curtain, dull, the hint of brown fading. Every night I resisted sleep for as long as possible, avoiding the nightmares. After a while of never relenting, the bond was all too easy to block ande voices ceased to mean anything. I didn't hear them when they talked, I didn't see them when they came into my cell and waved hands over my face, heck, I didn't even feel it when they carried me to court for the trial I didn't even know was coming. I liked my silence.

I was still cuffed as Bob and Skunkly held onto my arms and 'walked' me to the court rooms. In actual fact I wasn't even moving my legs, they just carried my very light weight. The darkness meant my eyes were fine, I just stared blankly ahead, not noticing the whispers and stares. The court room was too bright and I squinted, still staring at nothing. An annoying buzzing noise surprised me and I tried to remember what hearing was like. I opened my mind up to the noises, looking up with blurred vision. The court room appeared to be full now, the judge saying something... I didn't really care what. It was all bull shit anyway. What really sucked was that I hadn't died yet, that I still had to go through with all this nonsense. My vision cleared a little and I glanced up to where Lissa sat. She was simply staring at me, horror clear on her face. Adrian was too except he looked like his whole world was crashing down upon him. Did I really look that bad? Lissa's expression turned to anger and she spun round to face Dimitri, yelling something at him. All I could hear was the buzzing. Abe was staring straight down at his papers next to me, not making eye contact and never even acknowledging my prescense. What was new in that department? I found that I could hear my own shallow breathing, it sounded like each breath was being dragged through a damp cloth. Not healthy, not strong.

A man dressed in a white lab coate approached me and I made an effort to hear what was being said. I was hoisted to my feet and held up, Bob taking all my weight for me. This man was a doctor I guessed, pulling out a stethescope and listening to my heart and then my lungs. I didn't even feel where the supposedly cold metal touched my skin. He was talking to me but I could only see his mouth moving and a faint hum, like I was hearing him from under water. I tried to find the bond and opened myself up to it, letting myself enter Lissa's mind. She didn't notice, too busy listening or maybe my mind was as dead as I wanted to be.

I saw me through her eyes, they were evaluating me, my health. The doctor was talking about my lungs and heart. Lissa hung onto every word.

"apart from being close to starvation, as you can see her eyes are very dull, like they have a milky film. This happens to most blind humans with characts, her sense of hearing I would say is non-existant. The bruises and collapsed veins indicate that her healing time has slowed completely down. How long has it been since she last ate?" he directed the question at Bob who shuffled, looking at his feet.

"About a month and a half since she ate a meal, sir." Dimitri had been working for a month and half now? Wow. The room was completely silent. They required me to stand on my own, so Bob reluctantly let me go, catching me just before I hit the floor. I saw myself properly. My hair, once so shiny was dull and lank,e my eyes were a milky brown, nevere actually focusing. My skin was paler than strigoi and the brusies stood out. It was like looking at death. My heart beat was apparently faint and slow, my breathing laboured. My mucles lacked the strength the move me. I could feel through Lissa the shock and horror, even disgust from within the court. Their aruas changing from hatred to pity. Not a single person left thought I was guilty. It must have been clear that I had given up hope and they knew that the guilty would have a very different reaction. But they of course didn't know how to proceed. They should just let me die, let me float away, my tenuous grip on reality always shrinking. I was Rose Hathaway, damn it! I wasn't supposed to give up, but defeat seemed so easy. I pulled back into my own body, feeling the welcoming embrace of numbness. It was just like home.

They eventually took me outside, removing the cuffs and dropping them to the ground. I just sagged against who ever was holding me. Then Lissa came running out, smiling but still grim. I felt the faintest trace of her magic as she set to work on my bruises. Frustration crossed her face and she tried again. She was trying to fix my hearing and sight, to animate me again. I didn't think mental exhaustion could be healed. She spoke worridly to the people with her, Christian, Dimitri and Adrian. A sentence finally getting throught to me, her words of disbelief.

"It's like she's dead." it was the only sentence I could faintly hear and lip read. The doctor came over again and put a hand on her shouldere, saying something. Absolute rubbish. I wanted to go back to my cell and die, I wanted the peace and quiet. They all looked at me suddenly, had I made a noise or something? The doctor spoke rapidly, running in one direction while Dimitri swept me off my feet in one fluid motion, going in the same general direction. I just stared at the stars. It had been a while since I had seen them, but I realise now that they don't really mean much to me anymore. In fact, I envied them. Cold stone sentinels of the night. The twinkled icily back and I scowled in my head, knowing that it wouldn't quite reach my face. I should have felt the warmth of Dimitri's arms but I felt nothing, just thee blackness creeping in. I succumbed to it, feeling myself trickling away. Finally, I thought. Panic was very faint through the bond and I the air rushing past me told me that he had started running. I didn't care, I was slipping away.

Dimitri POV:

That night continued to haunt me, never letting me sleep properly, toruring me as I guarded her. There wasn't much to guard anymore. All she did was lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She never moved, never spoke. I don't think she even heard us anymore. Lissa panicked more every day, the bond had apprently gone dull, she couldne't even feel Rose properly. The only thing that told her that Rose was still alive was the spirit darkness that consistantly trickled away. But Rose never reacted, never went into any of the spirit induced rages. Watching her was like removing my finger nails with rusty tongs. Then they told us her deciding trial was coming up. Two days time. But we couldn't tell her because she was un-responsive. The judge promised a doctor to be present at the trial so they could assess her, but really, what was there to assess? I remembered what she said: "I'm through, I'm done with fighting, I am not going to try anymore. End of story." and she had been true to her word, she had given up. But also, she had been right, I may have gotten soul back but my courage from before, my sense of myself, my heart and everything I held so close to my soul before was missing. I knew what she meant when only one person could heal that. I knew it was her. She was my heart, she gave me strength. But now? Now I had to fight for her. They carried here into the court room and no one said anything. The doctor was immediateley brought forth. I knew why, she didn't look alive.

He rattled off her stats before she went into the cell and compared them to now. Her heart beat had gone from 62 beats per minute to 34 bpm. Her temperature had dropped drastically and her eyes didn't respond to his tests. When he held the hearing tester to her ear she did nothing. He poked her fingertips with a needle and she didn't even flinch. It was like she was paralyzed. He explained the possible causes for everything but everyone knew she was innocent. Tears welled up in others eyes and Abe half heartedly said that he could prove she didn't do it. No one cared. To them, she was infact innocent. She was declared free to go and they carried her out to release her. What was the point, she wouldn't understand them. The guilt was too much, I knew that I had a hand in this. I knelt before Lissa and bowed my head for forgiveness.

"I'm sorry Lissa, this is all my fault, please heal her, I need to tell her that I love her. Please" I felt awfully close to tears so I bit them back, taking off after Lissa who ran for the door to find her cataconic best friend. It was heart breaking. She was being held up, still vacantly looking without seeing. My heart was wrenched as I remembered the pheone call I had received from Yeva that morning.

"_I love you Dimka but I am very disapointed in you. You are not allowed to come back home unless you bring your Roza with you." _ She had hung up after that, leaving me disheartened and miserable. My family loved her already.

The doctor was talking to Lissa who was very frustrated with the simple fact that she ecouldn't heal Rose. The bruises remainede and if anything, her breathing got shallower, what ever little light left in her eyes dimming more. I tiny whimper escaped her eand we all focused as her eyes drifted over us all and she managed a few small words.

"Want... die... cell... now. Leave. To die..." it was barely a whispere, sounding like even thinking the words was too strenuous. The doc wanted us to bring her to the clinic to recover and I picked her up gently. She was so, so light, like carrying a feather. I felt like I could break her. Lissa came escreaming back to me, tears in her eyes. I didn't understand until I felt the temperature of the angel in my arms drop even more. I flashed my eyes down to her and stopped in my tracks before sprinting faster than I ever ran before, matching my strigoi pace. Roza had stopped breathing. No... No.. NO!


	5. Desire

Dimitri's POV:

I lay on the small hospital bed, cradling Roza's limp body in my arms. The beeping of the heart monitor was slow, showing the tenuous hold she had onto life. Lissa and Adrian were fast asleep in their room after exhausting themselves with their attempts at healing her. Only their combined efforts managed to make the bruises slowly disappear. They had told me to leave, to rest and wait but I couldn't leave her. Not after the month of watching her slowly die, watching everything trickle away. I couldn't leave her. I held her against my chest, her head tucked under my chin, my arms around her. It felt so right to hold her, to keep her safe. She was right. She always had been. She alone could heal me, save me from myself. The times I pushed her away, the times I let her get close to me. I loved those moments, the stolen kisses back at the gym, when she actually let her guard down, her strength. The happiest night of my life, the night she was finally mine, completely. The cabin. I would never regret that night. I started humming to pass the time and found myself singing quietly. No one was there so it didn't really matter.

"Guardian Belikov, look at her heart." The doc made me jump, but I quickly checked out the heart monitor. My Roza's heart beat had sped up, climbing to 44 beats per minute. The doctors face was confused, it shouldn't be confused, she should be able to tell me what was wrong, what was making my Roza, my angel wake up a little. I wished she would fully wake, she had been unconcious for three days. They told me it was just her minds way of healing itself but I needed to see her eyes open and the recognition flare in them instead of the milky film that made her seem blind. Her skin remained as cold as ice, one of the reasons I was allowed in the bed with her. I was her heater, snuggling her in my jacket under a mountain of blankets. "Guardian Belikov, sing again, I want to see something." I thought it was an odd request, but if it would help her... I wanted to tell her how stupid I had been, how sorry I was, how much I loved her and needed to be with her. I started singing again, lowering my head so only Roza could really hear me, I didn't want others to hear, sing for Roza? I would do anything for her. Her heart rate climbed slowly and her breathing deepened, not so shallow. The doctor looked at me, smiling and hope practically radiating off her.

"What does this mean for Roza?" As I said Roza her heart jumped up a notch before settling back as it was before. I smiled and the doctor looked at me suspiciously, eyeing how I held Roza. She smiled slowly before sitting next to us and watching the monitor. I tightened my hold on her and pushed her hair away from her face, she lay stomach down, hands curled up under her and legs tangled with mine, trying to entice her to warm up. It wasn't working, her temperature never really stabled.

"It means that she loves you. It also means that though she may be unconcious she knows you're here with her and that's making her try. She has always been strong and a fighter, but you are the reason she is trying to win this one. She wants to live for you." she smiled kindly and stood up, heading for the door to lock up before leaving for the night. She turned at the door, looking back at me for a moment as if contemplating something. "Oh, and Dimitri... talk to her, it will help her and she will hear you. She won't answer in words but her monitors should tell you what you want to know. Also, I ran some tests on her biologocal make-up seeing as I thought this shut down was related to being shadow-kissed and I found something very interesting. I believe, as does Lord Ishakov, that she can have children with dhampirs." I looked blankly at her and she smiled again before flicking the light off and shutting the door. I heard the lock snick and I relaxed before studying Roza's face.

She was so beautiful, even in this state. God, I loved her... but could she forgive me after all I had done? Could I forgive myself? I twisted my free hand into her hair and ran my fingers through it, marveling at the soft, silky feel of it. The night at the cabin flashed again and I remembered how it splayed out across my chest in the early morning when she just lay in my arms and I told her I loved her, the promises that I had broken a thousand times over. I thought of one of my dreams, a little girl with dark brown ringlets and my eyes, little dimples showing as she grinned, showing off a missing tooth. Then she stood, hands on hips and determination flashing in her eyes, a look that often adorned Roza. I smiled and lightly brushed my lips against Roza's forehead. Her heart beat quirked again and I chuckled slightly, loving being able to see how I effected her.

"I know you can hear me so I'm going to tell you now. I realise now how stupid I have been, not just since I returned as a dhampir but ever since I first fell in love with you, and man, did I fall hard. I pushed you away even though all wanted to do was take you home with me and selfishly keep you to myself. I now know that even if your sometimes immature remarks and behaviour frustrate me, I only want to be with you. Your strength, in mind, body and soul is so impressive, I love it, I love your unpredictability, your wit, your courage. You always face things head on. You proved this when I first saw you and you attacked me anyway. Your fierce loyalty and dedication... in short, I love you, everything about you and I don't want to be with anyone but you, if you'll let me. I'm so sorry about my attitude towards you and I will spend everyday from now and forever making it up to you. You are so beautiful and smart, funny and strong... I wish... I just wish you would wake up and tell me in no uncertain terms how idiotic I have been." I watched the heart monitor carefully, the blips occasionally jumping or lowering, then they picked up again, thrumming evenly at 58 beats per minute. I smiled and raised her hand to my face, resting my face in it before kissing each finger tip before placing it carefully back in my own. Fatigue nagged me and I shut my eyes, planning on just dozing for a bit.

I woke up, sunlight streaming through an open window. The clock ticked innocently, showing that it was early moroi morning. But that wasn't what woke me. What did was a small hand in my hair, fiddling with the now loose strands. Roza... I looked down, she was still unconcious but shifted slightly, an arm round my neck, securing herself on my chest. I glanced at the monitor out of habit and gasped. 64 beats per minute. Exactly what she should be at rest. I grinned happily and felt how warm she was now. She was always warmer than me, my own little furnace.

"And you said I couldn't act." A small, weak yet still sarcastic voice made me jump and I looked down, seeing dark chocolate orbs blearily gazing at me. They weren't completely normal again but much better. It was like she was getting used to seeing again. She wiggled her toes and I smiled, feeling them against my shins. She was so tiny. I rolled her onto her back on the bed, standing up and shutting the curtains so it was darker. She glared weakly at me before attempting to sit up but falling back miserably. She looked a little flushed so I removed my jacket and two of the 6 blankets, leaving me in jeans and a black wifebeater. I didn't mind the extra warmth those blankets gave but she needed to maintain a healthy temperature, my Roza needed to be cared for. I picked her up carefully and lay her back on my chest, stomach down again. I propped myself up more and looked down at her happily. She frowned slightly as she thought and I smoothed the creases out her forehead with my thumb. She tried raising one eyebrow like I do but they both quirked up, I smirked and pushed one down for her, completing an attitude filled questioning stare.

"Sing to me again...?" Her question surprised me, usually she didn't ask, she demanded. Just like she demanded the respect of every one and anything with half a brain. I smiled to myself and thought about her request,

"What do you want me to sing?" I knew exactly what she thought about my music tastes, music being the only thing that gave her knowledge of history. I was surprised she even heard me singing before, she was so bad... I thought of the songs I had heard her listening to in the past and I remembered one that had lyrics similar to what I was feeling at the time. I hummed the tune quietly to remember the lyrics before starting to sing just as quietly.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now _

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight _

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything seems like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive _

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

_I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

_I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am _

She smiled, understanding the meaning of the song, just like she understood me. Snuggling her head into my chest again. My heart beat was unsteady, the nerves of singing for her making me tingly. I never really sang for anyone, only indulging when I was truly alone, she could feel and hear it. I looked at her speculatively.

"Can you sing Roza? All angels can sing..." she looked confused at the reference to the angels and looked at me quizically before a cheeky gleam faintly sparked to life. She shut her eyes and clung to me, lips pressed tightly together before relaxing.

_We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own_

We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel

Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world? 

It was very soft but haunting and beautiful. Her voice was like that of an angel, clear, sweet, soft. Enchanting. I loved the sound. I knew that even on her weakened state, she was perfect. I full out grinned, not caring about hiding my feelings anymore. Her eyes lit up at my grin and the faint blush faded from her cheeks. I kissed her softly and lay back . She snuggled back down, eyes drooping and her breathing evening, I drifted myself before being awakened by an elbow to the face. Rose was thrashing around, muscles rigid and fists clenched. The dreams. Sobs wracked her body and I held her, whispering into her ear until she slowly stopped. I was slowly releasing her arms and relaxing when she sat straight up, screaming high and loud, a scream of terror and pain. She gripped her head and arched her back, hissing in agony. I shook her slightly, in complete panic, watching her dread filled eyes snap open.

"Lissa. Find her. Strigoi are in the compound." she hissed again, clutching her temples and pushing me away. I grabbed my jacket and handed her my extra stake, sprinting through the doors and locking them behind me, hearing her scream again. I felt my stride falter, my resolve weakening, before I heard her scream again, this time forming words.

"DIMITRI! GO!" it cut off in a gurgled sob and I made up my mind, heading towards Lissa's room. I made it there in record time, spotting the warden, lifeless and drained, slouched in their seat. I crept along the hallway, stopping at a door, seemingly ripped off it's hinges. It was Lissa's. I stalked into the room and found it empty, the window smashed and singe marks showing Christians involvement. Looking out the window, my heart literally stopped. The lights from the building edge showed a strigoi, Lissa thrown behind it, facing a small, dark haired woman, clad in hospital pajamas. I cursed and took off down the stairs again, praying to all gods, known and unknown that she would be ok. Why, oh why did I think a _locked door_ would stop my Roza? I jumped the last flight and skidded at the door, slipping out and taking off again. My chest ached, not from fatigue but for my Roza. Stupid Dimitri... stupid, stupid Dimitri. I crouched next to Lissa first and found she was unharmed, just frightened, watching Roza with horrified fascination. I looked closer to see why. Shocked, I saw the immediate changes, her eyes were not brown anymore, but black, liquid, frightening black. Her body didn't even look frail anymore, thin? Yes. Frail? Definitely not. Her moves were clean and effective, power radiating off her. The moves I taught her performed flawlessly, mixed with her own and then some I had never seen before, efficiantly taking down the new strigoi.

Lissa collapsed down and cried softly, letting me pick her up and place her on a nearby bench where Christian came sprinting over, blood on the side of his face and staining his jeans, a huge rip showing a strigoi bite on his thigh. He was a little dizzy but rocked her gently. I turned back to Roza, my love, seeing her stagger a few steps towards me before collapsing face first into the grass. I fell to my knees next to her and turned her over, her eyes still giving me the creeps. I pulled her up and she shied away, still effected by the spirit darkness. The nurse was hurrying over to Lissa and Christian, Roza and I not yet visible so I swept her up and melted into the darkness, finding myself in a guest house, one that was unoccupied so perfect for controlling an angry Rose Hathaway destructive outburst. Which was about to explode. She wrenched herself out of my arms and landed on the coffee table, hissing like a cornered feral cat. The stake thankfully still outside meant I had a little bit of safety thrown in there.

"Get away from us!" Her voice was furious and terrified at the same time. What Lissa was feeling when Rose took away the bad side effects, now it was just me and her. I walked towards her slowly, hands raised, she didn't soften, curling her top lip slightly. It was primal instinct, no thought, just pure instinct and fight or flight. She lunged at me and I pinned her to my chest, toppling back into the wall as she struggled.

"Stop fighting me Roza, relax. This isn't you, I know you and this isn't it. I love you, remember me, remember us. Fight it, you're strong, you can do it, you don't need to succumb. I love you, remember..." I spoke softly, my long arms easily keeping her tiny frame under control. She relaxed and I saw the darkness from her eyes fade until they were warm chocolate pools again. Her new strength remained I knew not to release my hold on her, the primitive instincts still filling us both. We weren't human, we were animal, thinking and acting on impulse. Before I knew it, I was bending my head down to hers, meeting her lips halfway and feeling the fire and joy exploding within me, the savage pleasure of my desire. She gave in competely, pulling herself up in my arms so her legs were hooked around my waist and I was pressing her against the wall, straining to kiss her neck, shoulders and back up to her mouth. She inched my shirt up over my head and chucked it on the floor, twining her fingers in my hair. I lifted her up and took us both down the hall towards the bed, shedding her top as we went, collapsing onto the bed without breaking out fervent kisses. We really needed to stop ending up sleeping together like this...


	6. Fear

Rose POV:

I woke up, a spirit induced headache making my head pound. It felt like someone had taken a hammer to my skull. I shook my head, freezing when it hit something warm and firm, yet still soft. I looked up, silky brown hair tickling my forehead. Weight around my waist alerted me to the fact that a sexy russian god was cradling me against his hard, sculpted bare chest. I smiled happily, viewing the trail of clothes that lead to the bed, the broken furniture that was just visible down the hall. I remembered the anger that filled me up, that brought strength to me again and helped me sprint to the figure being dragged towards the wards edge. Lissa. Dimitri had found me, he had brought me here to keep me and the others safe while I was mad with spirit. I knew it was stronger than usual, I felt it take over everything. Now I just hurt, muscles that had previously been numb burned like I had worked out for hours without stretching. I looked back at Dimitri and decided that I needed to know if it had been a mistake to him or if he was going to try to have an us again.

"Dimitri? Um... Dimitri..." He blinked blearily, looking around with a sort of bemused expresiion, not unlike my own not five minutes ago. Well... this is awkward. His eyes locked onto mine before they slid down in a sneaky fashion, checking out our still naked bodies. Well, he obviously remembered last night as he drew me closer and hugged me tighter.

"Roza, I told you to stay in the hospital. Why, out of all the stupid things to do, did you run out to fight a strigoi when you couldn't even walk?" He stared down at me, anger hiding the relief in hid features. I smiled innocently back, trailing my fingers up his chest. He shuddered, eyes rolling back slightly before he grabbed both my wrists and staring at me sternly. His barely hidden growl demanded an answer.

"well, Lissa pulled me into her head and dumped all the spirit madness she has been keeping since I went into my zombie trance into me with of course drove me wild, you only locked the door, so it was really simple to get out and save her like the good guardian I am. You really believed the door would stop me?" He shook his head , exasperated. My day wouldn't be complete without frustrating at least one person. He leant back, releasing my wrists and pulling me onto his chest so I straddled him. My head still pounded painfully so I took the oppurtunity to rest my head on his chest, the warm aftershave – hot chocolate – musk scent making the pain fade a little bit. His breathing deepened as he fell back asleep and pretty soon I follwoed suit, dreaming of endless mornings, waking up in his arms.

Lissa POV:

The strigoi attack put everyone on high alert but I couldn't find Rose. I felt so guilty after the spirit took over her body. Her eyes, her frightening black eyes haunted me no matter what I did. I created those. Christian wrapped his arms around me comfortingly as a pair of guardians strode forward and bowed.

"Princess Dragomir. We haven't located Guardian Belikov or Rosemary Hathaway yet. Would you - " I cut him off. I would look for her.

"It's Guardian Hathaway, not Rosemary. I shall find them, you're dismissed." I turned on my heel and went back to where the strigoi had lain, looking around to see where Dimitri would have taken her until she calmed down. The guest housing had some empty houses so I started there, going to the closest. I hadn't helped Rose like I should have, I was never there for her anymore, always putting Christian and Dimitri before her. It had to stop. The door was locked so Christian opened it for me, melting away the lock. Inside, the room was trashed. Fear picked up but Christian held my hand and it quietened. How was Rose so brave? The chairs were thrown around and the table had been split down the middle, glass from a vase littering the ground. This had to be from Rose.

Down the hallway was a pair of hospital pajama bottoms. We followed the trail, pajamas, jeans, black singlet, Dimitri's leather duster and then underwear. I smiled as Christian held back a snigger. It was so cute! They were on the bed, Dimitri lay on his back while Rose was lying on her stomach, head on his bicep, his arm around her waist. Her hair spilled down, cascading off the side of the bed and the blanket went up to their waists showing that the clothes were in fact theirs. I giggled when I saw the end of the bed, Dimitri's feet stuck out, off the edge while Rose's didn't even reach his ankles.

Rose groaned and snuggled closer to Dimitri, his arm tightening around her as she mumbled about five more minutes. Christian looked at me pointedly and we left quietly, they are fine and happy. Inside I was jumping with happiness, they were both together and happy, no longer torturing themselves and eachother by keeping apart. Outside, I laughed freely and Christian picked me up, spinning me around before kissing me softly. Then I remembered that I had something important to tell him, something that was interrupted by the strigoi last night. I looked down at him as he smiled up, nose level with my belly button.

"Christian... remember last night? When I wanted to tell you something?" He frowned and le me down gently, sitting down and pulling me onto his lap. His aura was confused. I wish Rose was here... she would have helped... I stroked his hair back and watched his eyes light up. He nodded and I took a deep breath, calming my nerves. I loved him, he loved me, nothing could go wrong.

"Christian... well... you're going to be a... dad." He stopped breathing. I worridly stared into his eyes, stroking his face. Then a small smile appeared, stretching out into a full grin. He laughed and hugged me, staring down at my stomach with wonder on his face. I breathed out a sigh of relief and relaxed while he continued to grin in shock and happiness. A door opened and Dimitri peered out, just in jeans while Rose, wrapped in a blanket dragged her feet towards us. Her hair whipped about and she smiled, already knowing the news that she had picked from my mind. Dimitri strolled over happily, winding an arm around her waist as I retold the news. Christian remained in a daze, smiling goofily while Rose took the mickey out of him, for once he didn't care. I had all the people that I needed with me, all the people I cared about, the family complete as Adrian, smiling broadly, stepped out from behind a tree and pulled me into a hug.

"C'mon Sparky, if you keep drooling like that we are going to have two babies on our hands. Think of how you guys made the baby in your special alone time." He smiled goofily at her before hugging me again. The party broke up as Dimitri was dragged off by Rose and Adrian had a date with a box of vodka bottles. I smiled, looking down at my stomach, a tiny bump visible in my usually flat stomach. I can't believe Christian didn't notice sooner.

Rose POV:

"Dimitri, we need to talk." I dragged him away from Lissa and Christian who were too busy thinking of the joys of parenthood to notice and pulled him back into the house. His face fell and the mask slid into place before he let go of my hand and sat on the other side of the room.

"I knew this was coming, I knew it..." he cursed in russian and I lost track of what he was saying. He placed his head heavily in his hands and slumped, like a broken man. I rushed over and raised his head to meet my eyes, his shone and I almost sat down. Dimitri looked like he was about to cry. I shushed him and sat on his lap, the blanket fralling off my back. I ignored it and forced him to look at me.

"Comrade? Dimitri.. look at me. That's not what I meant. I love you, I would die for you, last night, apart from the strigoi and spirit was amazing and I just want to know if you regret it, if you regret me. I honestly cannot take another rejection from you, not after that, so please, please, I, Rose Hathaway, am asking you, begging you, choose now." He looked into my eyes, calm slipping away before fiery passion took over, making me gasp. I saw his pupils dilate, making his eyes seem black and he slowly stood, turning his back on me and locking the door again. As he strode back, I saw all his muscles tensing, the passion on his face making him even more god like. This was the side of Dimitri I had never seen, the Dimitri that had no control, that didn't even try to reign in his emotions.

He stopped in front of me, looking down from his huge height and smiling. I stood up and he slowly began pushing the blanket off my shoulders, fingers lightly tracing the skin and making me shudder.

"I love you too my Roza, and I promise you, on my life and our love, that I won't ever let you down again. I'm not going to leave you, I choose you, I choose us and I want this. I want you, I need you. You are my reason for living." The blanket hit the floor and he directed us back to the bed, sitting me on top of him, hands firm on my hips. I leaned down, my hair creating a wall around our faces, kissing his nose, forehead and jawline, teasing him. He growled and captured my mouth with his, hunger and lust driving us both to eachother. We knew we could be together openly now, without being in fear and this was what he had always wanted. My hips grinded against his and I reached a hand down, unbuttoning his jeans with one hand and slowly dragging the zipper down. He moaned slighty and the pants were gone, boxers with them. He moved his hips up against mine, growling my name out when I moved against his right back. He rolled us over , hands roaming my body, making me shiver with pleasure. I couldn't take being apart anymore and fire coursed through my veins as he succombed to the desire.

Hours later, and man, do I mean hours, we ended up in the gym, resuming our training. Our moves were perfeclty matched and we both tired at the same time. We collasped, laughing onto the floor and he ran a hand through my hair as it splayed out on the mat, freed from the restraints of my hair tie. I chuckled as he crooned something in russian and rolled over, half leaning on his chest and staring into his eyes. He seemed to decide something and reached into the pocket of his duster, never breaking eye contact.

"Roza, I want you to belong to me, just as my heart is yours and I want the whole world to know. I love you and I want to be with you, so would you do me the greatest honour and be my wife? Marry me, Roza." He opened a black velvet box, revealing a diamond and ruby ring, delicate filigree curling around the glimmering stones, the gold gleaming. I stopped breathing for a moment, staring down at him in disbelief. wh...what...?


	7. Cunning Plan

READ THIS OR DIMITRI DIES AFTER ROSE REJECTS HIM AND GETS AN ABORTION!

My dear, faithful readers,

I know and acknowledge that I have been a bad author recently and I apologise. But, you see dear readers, my teachers went to hell and brought back some horrible torture methods called assesments and homework. Which they unleashed upon us innocent, teacher fearing students... ok.. maybe not so innocent and I fear the teachers as much as sharks fear plankton so let us cut to the chase. I have a cunning plan. Monday will be my new update day. It will be an official day of updating for all my stories. I may add new chapters on other days should listening to my maths teacher drone on about stuff I _really _ don't give a damn about prove too mind numbingly boring and I once again fill my maths book with fanfiction writing. If you can't wait till monday for my Rose and Dimitri adventures I have a challenge for you. Design a character. Give me a name, description, what ever you want and I will pick my favourites and add them to the mix. You know you want too... also, on I have an account and my own writing going on, a completely independent story with something for all you A Thousand Pieces fans, in my new story called Legends on ... LUCIAN LIVES ON! Yes, my dream character has his romantic life with Selene Monroe, not me... * sob *

Another question for you. Do you want me to post pictures of my sketches of my characters on my profile? I promise I am a good sketcher, I am in the top art class, so, review, message I don't know how, just tell me if I should.

Now, last but certainly not least, I want to give a shout out a reader called deliciouse. Thank-you for your awesome reviews, made my day!

Link for my profile : .com/u/729727/Rogue-Angel-Gem

I need you guys to tell me what you think for that one as I am entering it into a writing competion that could win me a publishing contract and yours truly could become an actual, legal, official author at the ripe age of my teenage -ness. I know you love me enough to care and if you don't have a fictionpress account, tell me what you think via fanfiction, just make sure you tell me beforehand so I don't get confused =P

Updates on mondays begin next week, but tomorrow will have some updates to keep you happy.

Good night all, happy reading,

Love,

Gem xXxoOoxXx

p.s – my dp (display pic) on fp (fictionpress) was drawn by me =D


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